Monday, January 12, 2015

Sassy & Shameless: Darlene Interviews Authors Katherine Bone & Donna Cummings!!!

Fresh from the 50’s, we are happy to have Darlene Higginbottom, a character from “Laid to Rest” with us today. She’s going to interview illustrious romance writers, Katherine Bone, accompanied by Captain Jack himself, and Donna Cummings with her cup of coffee. Also you can get a free copy of Darlene's comedy, "Laid to Rest," at Amazon Tuesday thru Thursday this week.

Now, let me introduce today's hostess. Darlene Higginbottom is an enterprising working girl stuck in Clayburn, Mississippi in 1957. She knows she has the looks and talent to be the next Marilyn Monroe if she can only get to Hollywood. She's also something of a redneck and she doesn't mind saying what's on her mind. So, without further ado, Darlene, take it away.

I'm just so excited to be here today. Could you bring the camera in a little closer? Today, I will be talking with two romance writers, Katherine Bone and Donna Cummings. Hey you, behind the camera, keep it on me.

Hello, Kathy and Donna. I’m sure glad you’re here today and I know we’re all gonna learn a lot about sex!!!! Let's start with Kathy, who writes pirate romances. 

Ahoy, Lady Darlene! Jack and I are very happy to be sailing with you today!
 “Did she ask about my ex?”
 “No, Jack. She wants to learn more about sex.”
Jack’s eyes widen and he shares a sparkling grin. “Well that’s another jar of dirt. A sojourn in Tortuga would enlighten ye, m’lady.” Winks at Darlene.

Lord have mercy, who did your eye makeup?

 *Donna waves wildly at Darlene* Hey, movie star! I've been a big fan of yours for a long time. I'm all giddy at being here today. *tries to keep from swooning* Psst, Jack. Could you help a girl out over here?

*Darlene fluffs hair* Honey, I just love it that you're a fan. Listen, y'all, my motto is: a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. You gotta do what’s necessary to make your dreams come true. With the help of two morons, I hauled the mayor’s dead body home before his wife found out he died in my bedroom. 

What is your motto? What were you willing to do to make your dreams come true and who paid your bail?

Jack cringes. He looks at Katherine. “I take it this one is a dead shot.”
 “Right ye ARRR, Jack. Lady Patricia warned us that Darlene holds nothing back.”
 “Lady Darlene, you are a sassy wench! I enjoy women of your caliber.” Jack puffs air on nails and buffs them on coat sleeve.

Captain Jack, I could give you a ride you'd never forget.  Look, Kathy is blushing! Bless her heart.

“To answer your question, Darlene, my motto is ‘Believe to receive.’ Making ones dreams come true is difficult enough when the Kraken is ever at the ready to haul ye down to Davy Jones’ locker. But if ye keep your headin’, stay the course, and never deviate from your dreams, you’ll make your port o’ call even if ye have to eat a few weevils in your hardtack. 

As for paying bail? Well now, pirates have a way of getting out of scrapes all on their own.”
 “As long as there is a dog with keys nearby, pet,” Jack adds.

I don't have a dog, but I am stuck with Richie and Tommy Ray. Honey, a dog would be a whole lot smarter. Go ahead, Donna...

That's excellent advice, Lady Katherine. I think I'll be adopting that "Believe to receive" motto now. I'm not entirely sure I have a motto at the moment. It used to be "seemed like a good idea at the time". . .

I've thought that on many occasions.  I have something of a bad reputation. It all started back in high school when I charged boys a dollar for a peek down my blouse.
Jack nods. “I’d pay for that.”

*Darlene rolls her eyes* It seemed like a good idea at the time until Mrs. Raydeen Tuttle caught me. But I've never thought I was bad. I just consider myself enterprising. A girl has to be enterprising, and she needs to learn to walk with a sway if she wants to get ahead. What’s the most enterprising thing you’ve ever done? Can you walk with a sway when necessary?

“Sway when necessary? I don’t need rum for that. As for enterprising… Let’s see to that trip to Tortuga.”
Kathy: “I’d like to add that Jack is ever amiable to a trip to Tortuga, Lady Darlene.”
“To be sure.” Jack twirls his braided beard and smiles.

He needs some time with his monkey. Go ahead, Kathy. 

As to the most enterprising thing I’ve ever done in my writing career… I’d have to say learning to listen to the right people like Lady Patricia Preston. She’s been a great friend to me, Darlene. (I’m sure you agree.) Late last year, I found myself questioning my writing career. I adopted the song Radioactive by Imagine Dragons as my transformation soundtrack. The idea of change absolutely scared me to death. What if I made the wrong tactical choice? 

Here’s what I learned: sometimes making our dreams come true involves gutsy decisions that scare and immobilize us. How does one break away from the known into the unknown without sailing to World’s End?”
 Jack cringes. “Being shanghaied by Elizabeth Swann and swallowed by the Kraken comes to mind.”

What about you, dear fan Donna? Oh, could somebody bring Donna another pot of coffee? She's done drained the first one. 

Darlene, your enterprising nature makes you a role model for us all. :) I've discovered that advice that works for others doesn't always work for me. I've been told many times to pick one subgenre and to stick with that. Unfortunately that doesn't work for me because I really enjoy writing historicals AND contemporaries. 

I was once told to stick to one man. Didn't work for me either. Sorry. Go on...

Fortunately there are readers who like when I write both, and I'm really glad about that. Oh, and I'm practicing my sway. Ya never know when a good sway will come in handy!

Honey, perfect that sway. You know you can marry more money in three minutes than you make in a lifetime. Let's move on and talk about sex. Back in my day, the backseat of a car at the drive-in was the right place for fun. You know, if the car is rockin’, don’t come knockin’.

“Have ye seen on board the Pearl at sea?”

I think he's had enough rum. I always found those  flared poodle skirts were so convenient. They should come back in style. Look at y’all, grinning and remembering how cold those vinyl seats were in the winter. Anyway, do you incorporate your memories into your sex scenes or is all that stuff you write just stuff you wish had happened to you?

Sex scenes? Do tell…”
“Jack, you know how I feel about this. As romance writers it’s very hard not to approach sex scenes like movie directors and producers. You know the scenario: insert tab A into slot B. The hardest part about writing passionate sex scenes is getting the sensual tension right.”
“I have no trouble getting my sensual tab tense, luv.”
Smacks Jack. “Not here, Jack. We’re talking about writing.”

Bless his heart, that boy definitely needs some time with his monkey. Go ahead, Donna.

The vinyl seats are even worse in summer! Having your legs stick to the seat while trying to scoot outta there? Not very sexy! (Did she notice I didn't answer the rest of the question. . .)

Well, just wait till you hear my next question. Speaking of sex, I've read your romance novels and you know, when I get to the parts where the characters are like doing it and the guy really knows what he's doing (for a change) and there's like fireworks when the heroine comes... 

Kathy and Jack spew their rum! “I beg your pardon?”

Are you sure y’all ain’t writing fantasy?????

“Fantasy? I’ll have you know—”
“Jack, Darlene’s merely curious about our historical damsels. She’s not commenting on your prowess. I assure you. Are you, Darlene? Besides, if our heroines didn’t enjoy their heroes, what’s the point, eh?”

Exactly! And if my heroes didn't do their jobs properly, I'd have them go back and practice until the heroine was completely sated, er, I mean, satisfied with his performance. Otherwise he wouldn't be the hero!

Donna, darling, you need to give up writing and become a sex ed teacher. Why you'd be doing the women of America a favor! Speaking of heroes, I’ve been promised a hero in a future story. I wasn’t too enthusiastic until I read your books. And I am like Woo Hoo! Them boys know what to do when they are, like, down there. Why, they'd make a girl wanna whistle Dixie. So what else should I expect from a hero? 

 "My heroes have a code.”
 “More like guidelines.”
 “Well that’s not entirely true. Nelson’s Tea has its code, which is a bit different from the one you use, Jack. But as to what you can expect? Heroes who will do anything to protect those they love or those they know need protection. And they don’t need rum to do it.”
 Jack hides his dram of rum behind his back. “I take offense to that. I’ve done quite a few things without any rum.”

Well, Darlene, I think heroes should always make the heroine laugh. If he's interested in pleasing her that way, he's bound to please her in a lot of other ways. So make sure your new fella is just as hilarious as you are!

I'm just hoping he's got a real fine body like that dude in the picture. And that he's read your books!!! I'd really love it if he were a movie star, too. 

Talking about movies, let’s pretend you’ve won the Pulitzer for romance writing and they’re gonna make a movie of your life. And I’m in the starring role as you. I know I’m too much of a sex symbol, but I can tone it down. Just like Charlize Theron did in Monster. Well, maybe not that much, but…what kind of movie will it be? And how should I portray you?

“The movie’s already been made, luv.” Jack points a knowing grin toward Darlene. “Mayhap you know it? It begins with Pirates…”
 “Hmm… That’s a great question, Darlene. I’m pondering the answer because I don’t really think I live a very exciting life. LOL!!! But I’m going for broke here. Let’s say my life would be a cross between Pride and Prejudice with an Officer and a Gentleman spin in Pirates of the Caribbean. Darlene would be me getting swept off her feet by Jack, the one true rogue.”
“Obliged, luv.” Jack bows.
 “As for how you should play me, Darlene? As adventurous as your conscience allows, eh?”

My conscience usually allows me to adventurous, but I can tell you right now that I ain't trying pole dancing again. I nearly dislocated my hip, but I made a lot of money. Okay, what about you, Donna?

Oh dear, can you portray me as Boo Radley, the guy in To Kill A Mockingbird who never leaves his house? Because that's my writing life right there. But seeing as how you're so enterprising, I'm sure you can sashay and sway your way into making my story a LOT more entertaining!

 Well, I could be a writer with a secret. Maybe they could get Clark Gable to play the guy I've got chained up in the basement! 

It looks like we’ve gotta wrap this up, girls. I sure have had a good time! On that note, why don’t you tell me about the new books you’re working on now and stuff like that. 

“I’m so glad you asked about my books, Darlene. Part of moving away from my old publisher was getting my rights back to three previously published books in 2012 and 2013. DUKE BY DAY, ROGUE BY NIGHT and LOST TREASURE, CAPTIVE PRINCESS now ROMANCING THE JEWEL were re-launched by EsKape Press Publishing in March and September of this year. The last book to be re-launched THE ROGUE’S PRIZE is coming out any day. I’m going over the galleys now. Huzzah and Hoorah! When Rogue comes out, I’ll have finally gotten back on track and will be able to finish publishing my Nelson’s Tea Series. I’m so excited to be able to do this for my readers.

Here’s the blurb:

The Rogue’s Prize ~ Book Two in the Nelson’s Tea Trilogy by Katherine Bone
An unlikely alliance earns Henry the ultimate prize...
Captain Henry Guffald is no ordinary sea captain. A member of Nelson’s Tea, he’s been ordered to rescue a comrade captured in Spain. The rescue is Henry’s last chance to prove his loyalty to Admiral Nelson. Not so easy a task when the job entails joining forces with a female pirate.
Lady Adele Seaton would no sooner give up the call to rove than marry, contrary to her father’s wishes. When news arrives that her brother has been captured in Spain, Adele quickly develops a plan to rescue him and sets sail to intercept the first royal navy ship she encounters. A brilliant tactician, she doesn’t count on meeting her match in a navy captain bound and determined to outwit her at every turn. Can a pirate be tamed?

Bio: Katherine Bone lives in the south where she dreams of the power, passion, and persuasion of Rogues, Rebels and Rakes, and the happily ever afters every Alpha male deserves.

 Ports of Call:


I'm working on a zillion things actually. Well, math isn't my strong suit, so lemme see. . . about 3 contemporaries, and two historicals! But since I never know which set of characters will shove their way to the front of the line, I'll just mention the latest one I've got out, which is Lord Wastrel, a Regency historical. As for why you should read it -- I'll bet you'd pay to look down his shirt. Oh wait. He's not wearing one!

I have worked as an attorney, winery tasting room manager, and retail business owner, but nothing beats the thrill of writing humorously-ever-after romances.

I reside in New England, although I fantasize about spending the rest of my days in a tropical locale, wearing flip flops year-round, or in Regency London, scandalizing the tonI can usually be found on Twitter, talking about writing and coffee, and on Facebook, talking about coffee and writing.

Social Media Links:

Buy Links:
Barnes & Noble:

Hey everybody! Thanks for stopping by and visiting with all of us. Some real and some not!
Leave a comment if you had fun!!! We love it when folks have fun. 

On a hot Mississippi night in 1957, Mayor Clifford Stroud, III drops dead in Darlene Higginbottom’s bedroom. Unless she can get his body home before his wife finds out, Darlene, a Marilyn Monroe wannabe, knows her rosy future will collapse. She convinces Richie, an unemployed gas station attendant, and Tommy Ray, who’s just plain slow, to help her move the body. That’s when the fun begins.

It’s Bus Stop meets O’ Brother, Where Art Thou in “Laid to Rest,” a Southern comedy,  

Also if you love short stories and you're in the mood for a Valentine, here's my latest:


Patricia Preston said...

I want to say thanks to Darlene, Kathy and Donna for visiting the blog today!

Debbie Herbert said...

What a fun interview. You ladies know how to have fun!

Patricia Preston said...

Thanks for stopping by!! You know how Darlene always trying to steal the show!!

kaisquared said...

OMG the spit-takes kept on coming...."Bless his heart, that boy definitely needs some time with his monkey!" Methinks Jack and Darlene need that trip to Tortuga. Thank you all for the interview, it really brightened a cold and snowy morning!

Mary M.

Katherine Bone said...

Aye! Jack is a wily one. Lucky for me, Darlene was definitely able to keep 'em on his toes, kaisquared! Buahahahaha!!!

Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

Katherine Bone said...

Ahoy, Lady Debbie! Thanks for stopping by!!!

Donna Cummings said...

Hey there, I'm joining in late, but I have to say I've had a girl crush on Darlene for the longest time. I was thrilled to be part of this interview!

Maybe we should ALL go to Tortuga for a little retreat. :) Since Darlene is so "resourceful", we'll leave the financial arrangements up to her!

DeeLancaster said...

Y'all have too much fun! Great post ladies.

Jenna said...

Fabulous interview, Ladies (and Jack). These pirate romances sound like a swashbuckling delight! And did I see that Laid to Rest is Free! One of the funniest books I've ever read. Great job!

Patricia Preston said...

Hi Jenna! Darlene is thrilled you stopped by!

Patricia Preston said...

Mary: Glad you enjoyed our interview!!! Darlene tries hard to please!!

Patricia Preston said...

Donna and Kathy: Darlene is all for going to Tortuga!

Donna Cummings said...

Patricia, I've got my bags packed! I assumed our lodgings will have room service, so I didn't include casks of rum, or able-bodied pirates to carry it to our rooms. Maybe Darlene can let us know what else we should bring. :)

L J Dogsmom said...

I think ye all be drinking more than coffee.

Thanks for the free read.

Patricia Preston said...

LJ: I can't keep them sober!!!

Katherine Bone said...

Ahoy, Dee, Jenna and LJ! Thanks for stoppin' by. There be plenty enough rum for all of us. ARRR!!!

L.A. Story said...

That was so much fun! That was one of the most fun interviews I've read in a long time!